Timeout
by sekkii
Summary: Carter has an insubordinate streak but she has kept it well hidden...until now! Revenge is a dish best served .....!The end is nigh ! It's worth a read ...honest
1. Timeout

A deep frown furrowed the tall officer's weathered brow, as he strode purposefully down the cold grey corridor. The few personnel he encountered, seeing his ominous expression leapt to the sides in an effort to get out of his way. Everyone knew he was _definitely_ not a man to get on the wrong side of. The colonel's legendary temper was truly something to be seen and many of the folks he marched past perversely wondered who was going to be on the receiving end of his razor sharp tongue this time.

Cold, dark fury washed over him. His terrible mood had been wholly exacerbated by the hours he had spent poring over paper work. As a direct result of being cooped up in his office for a protracted period of time, Jack had emerged massively irritated. He had made his way briefly to Hammond's darkened office to deposit his meter high stack of files in the general's in tray. However, following a chance encounter with Siler in the control room, the metaphorical storm clouds that had been hovering ominously were about to break.

Jack entered the empty elevator, and punched the buttons to take him to level 21. As he waited, he tapped his foot in a distracted fashion and willed the contraption to go faster. The thoughts, which had grated through his mind like splintered glass, returned again. He ground his teeth in sheer frustration. Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, (two l's) had not risen to the rank he now held in order to be ignored, or in this case, completely disregarded. What was the U.S. air force coming to?

The doors slid open and the colonel strode out, barrelling through a gaggle of lab coats, his lips pulled back into an ugly sneer. He hadzero tolerance for scientists tonight.

"Oh, Fer cryin out loud," he hissed sourly. The remaining scientist attempting to dodge the irate officer had proceeded to step errantly into his path four times before Jack thrust him aside.

Two or three of the unfortunate egghead's companions peered myopically out of the elevator doors and began to whisper amongst themselves.

"I wonder what's biting him?"

"More like who?"

"Oh, we all know who!"

The door clanged shut, cutting off the ripple of laughter that ran round the group.

On he strode, his anger growing with every step he took toward his destination.

Did it not say colonel anywhere on his uniform? How about on his office desk? He doubted anyone even knew where his office was. Except he knew that _she_ knew.

Oh yes! She knew all right, and at 02.00 hours, she had known _exactly_ where he ought to be.

Except, he hadn't been there.

He had been in his office. General Hammond's threat of removing SG-1 from the mission roster, had finally forced him inside, to face the veritable mountain of paperwork, then encompassing every available surface. He was not in bed within the base allocated quarters.

Where he knew _she _should be. Except, she wasn't!

And now, thanks to Siler's innocent remark, he knew!

Colonel O'Neill rounded the final two bends gathering pace with every determined step, and drawing himself up to his full six feet wrenched open the door with a deafening clang.

"Major Carter!" He bellowed, stepping inside, his presence uncomfortably filling the room.

Carter gasped, "Oh crap," and snapped to attention guiltily.

He strode up, halted before her and shouted, " What part of my 'Go to bed, do not pass your lab, do not collect 200 dollars' order, did you fail to comprehend?"

Sam flinched at the sheer fury in his words, and caught her bottom lip between her teeth. Face flushed to a deep crimson, she adopted a parade ground policy of staring neutrally at a random spot in mid air.

She was so busted.

"Report!" The colonel snapped out, hands resting on his hips. His eyes narrowed, suspecting she wasn't entirely listening.

The major's eyes flicked nervously to her superior officer's face, and she stood fractionally straighter. Having run swiftly through countless explanations in her mind, Sam settled upon the one she thought the least likely to see her brought up on charges. She quailed slightly under the solid gaze of his dark, chocolate brown eyes. Jack raised his eyebrow in mock enquiry.

"Well?" He asked his tone laced with sarcasm, "I'm waiting."

"I, I, I just needed to check my experiment was running correctly, sir and when I got here, well, the power matrix was malfunctioning. Sooo, I took it apart and anyway, I have only been here for half an hour. R-really sir." She stammered, vaguely aware that she was babbling. She stopped seeing his expression harden, and tried a different tack.

"It is quite important work, Sir!" Carter began, but lack of sleep coupled with her irritation at the untimely interruption meant all she achieved was an extremely petulant tone.

"Let's not make this insubordination worse, by lying, Major." He interrupted menacingly, poking his finger into her chest. He was madder than hell, having now seen how close to complete exhaustion she had gotten. The dark circles beneath her eyes had become hollows, even in the hours since they had last talked.

She visibly paled, and saw her career flash before her eyes.

The colonel had run into her in the commissary at 21.50, staring vacantly into a cup of coffee, eyes drooping. After almost thirty-six hours of investigating her new doohickey, she had been nearly sleeping at the table. He quickly fetched a coffee of his own and consumed a substantial piece of chocolaty cake to fortify him for the second half of his paperwork marathon. He had then swiftly steered her, protesting volubly, to right outside the door of her quarters and told her to get some sleep.

"I _sent_ you to bed, at 22.20, Carter! It is _now _five after zero two hundred hours," he remonstrated, emphasising every syllable.

"Colonel, you can't _order_ me to bed ! I'm not a naughty child!" His 2IC stamped her foot, pouted and crossed her arms in annoyance. "God, not even my dad talks to me like this and he hasn't sent me _anywhere _since I was nine!" She glared up at him defiantly, wearing, what to his mind, was an insolent expression on her face.

"Oh yeah?" Her superior officer's eyes darkened another 3 shades to 'barely black' and he stepped towards her. Sam returned her arms to her sides, standing to attention but stoically refused to alter her expression.

The major's insubordinate tone had only succeeded in stoking his anger. He moved in dangerously close, glowering menacingly until she could feel his breath caressing her still glowing cheek. "Wanna bet on that, Major?" he ground out.

"Youbetcha," she replied. The clear blue eyes flashed a challenge.

His lips quirked upwards in the ghost of a smile. He sighed, rocked back on his heels and looking around , innocently enquired, "So, what? We all done here, major?"

"Er, yes, sir." She glanced around the lab nervously, wrong footed, still not entirely sure to what he referred.

"Good." The colonel stated, making a swift lunge towards her, catching her off guard. He dropped to one knee, firmly grasped her wrist, quickly hauled her over his shoulder and straightening proceeded out of the door.

"Put me down! Colonel!" Sam shrieked and began to struggle and kick, her foot swinging past a whisker away from his right knee. Jack simply hefted her further across his shoulder, and moving his hand swiftly, slapped her hardon her presently accessible backside. She jerked, screamed and fought against him harder.

"Settle down, major," he said nastily. "You're taking a timeout."

"What?" She yelped incredulously, suddenly finding her face nearly level with small of his back.

"You can go to your room, until you learn to do as you're told, madam." He grinned broadly and continued walking. By now, he was thoroughly enjoying himself, and passing several stunned base personnel on his march back towards the elevator, Sam felt a low chuckle rumble through the muscles in his back.

On level 16, in the security room, a stunned SF captain called across to his co-worker, "Hey, Michaels switch to level 21, camera 7! You are never going to believe this."

"Is that ….?" Lieutenant Michaels asked incredulously.

"O'Neill! Yep and the tasty ass belongs to Major Samantha Carter." Captain Hales stated confidently," God that man's got balls!"

"Oh yeah!" Michaels grinned at his next thought, "lets hope for his sake he can run fast too, eh?" The two officers sniggered and switched the screen to view the footage from the elevator interior.

"He is sooo going to die, horribly!" The grinning lieutenant gloated.

It was a well-known fact that the air force major currently in O'Neill's grip was untouchable. Firstly, (in her mind at least) because she held the highest level in hand to hand combat currently attainable but more alarmingly (for the rest of the base,) because anyone who even considered trying was quickly warned by their mates that she 'belonged ' to the imposing leader of SG-1.

The elevator doors drew closed.

"I am going to kick your ass, up and down this base when I get free," his captive said through clenched teeth, far beyond caring about rank or position.

"No Major, you are going to get _your_ ass into your bed and you **_will _**stay there until I say you can get out. Are we clear?" He slapped her ass again to underline his point, enjoying the thought that he was pushing his luck now. The elevator began to rise.

Her response was another bout of furious struggling and a string of expletives that would have curled the toes of the SG-3 marines.

"Gee, Carter! Why I'm surprised at you!" The colonel said with mock sincerity. "You obviously need your mouth washed out with soap as well!" He smirked, dangerously.

"You wouldn't da…." She tailed off, knowing that he would, knowing he had won.

Sam settled for a dignified silence. As dignified as one could muster thrown over ones superior officer's shoulder and carted kicking and screaming off to bed. _So_ not how she would have liked.

'Dammit', she thought, trying desperately to suppress the quivering she was sure he was going to notice any minute. 'Why does this make me feel so hot?

She would get him for this humiliation.

A whole Jaffa army have nothing on a woman in the revenge stakes.


	2. Further timeout

A/N : Thanks guys for your reviews . I changed the rating on this fic because when i reread it and considered additional chapters I decided not to go down the mature route.

Hope no one is dissappointed . There will be 2 more chapters i think !

Rated T : Some adult themes and one or two swear words (Sorry !)

Beta assistance as ever by stargate-fan . can't > nees to / \ on your assistance LOL !

Disclaimer : Don't own them, would Ido this if I did ? (Probably its so much fun !)

More timeout

Major Carter stared at the ceiling in her quarters.

'Scratch that' she thought, _glared_ at the ceiling in her quarters.

"Oh God," she groaned quietly, "I'm referring to myself in the third person, a sure sign of impending insanity!"

Groaning audibly now she rolled back on to her stomach and muttered incomprehensible obscenities into her pillow for at least the fiftieth time that morning.

She surfaced again five minutes later, and having run out of things to count (prime numbers up to 3367900313) and with there being nothing whatsoever technological left in her sparse quarters, (he had even taken her wrist watch), she forced herself, in the face of losing the plot entirely to finally examine the events of the previous night.

Sam sat back up slowly and leaned against the cold concrete wall feeling it draw some of the excess heat stored up in her body. She acknowledged with a small smile that she now knew with certainty that it was possible for the body to blush in its entirety. It had happened to her; every time her mind had wandered back to her superior officer or the consequences of her insubordinate actions.

She hated him.

She knew it with a certainty that went down to the core of her being.

The colonel would be made to suffer.

Something that would wipe that arrogant smirk right off his face, like she had attempted last night.

The thought of his dark and humourless expression heralded another wave of painful embarrassment for the normally self-controlled officer. Sam was thankful that the darkness within her quarters (he had taken the light bulb) at least concealed the deep scarlet blushes that swept her features whenever she recalled being removed from her lab over the colonel's shoulder, his hand connecting painfully with her rear, and his ill concealed humour at her impotent fury.

Knowing the speed at which the 'jungle drums' operated, her notable absence from the base and the SF stationed outside her door, everyone would be aware that she had been busted for insubordination and what the consequences had been. She hugged her knees and placed her forehead on them in a vain effort to hide.

Worse still, she thought ruefully had been the fact that she had lost her temper.

The sight of the smug, 'shit-eating' grin spreading ever wider across his face when she had eventually been righted upon the ground, her hair pointing every which way, her face scarlet and not just from the blood rush of her extended inversion, had been her undoing.

She had swung wildly and her palm had connected with an audible slap, leaving a stark white imprint of her elegant hand on his rapidly draining features. Sam's horrified gasp had been lost in the echo of her action down the empty concrete hall. (As had the cheer in the security control room, four levels up.)

The colonel had remained eerily silent and the mark had rapidly deepened in colour to what she could imagine was a painful crimson. Carter had remained immobilised against the door, the embodiment of 'deer in the headlights'; until he had reached down and opened the door with his key card.

Stepping back reflexively as the solid object swung away from her, she had stammered, "I'm sorry Sir, I don't know what came over me…I." He cut her off, holding up one finger.

"Rush of blood to the head, I expect, Major. Now; you have precisely ten minutes to get changed, avail your self of the base facilities and be back here, correctly attired in your jimmy jams to discuss your punishment," He snapped out in a precise military tone.

"BUT!"

"Nine minutes then," He looked at his watch in an exaggerated fashion as she wavered momentarily in the middle of the room before snatching up her stuff and dashing out the door.

Cheeks flaming, she ruefully recalled how he had been tapping his foot in the doorway upon her return, a cardboard box to one side containing she had later discovered anything she might have garnered amusement from. He had waited, glaring at her irritably until belatedly she gathered he required her to stand at attention.

"Hmmm, Carter, the list of your infractions is growing by the minute. Insubordination, refusing to follow direct orders, striking a superior officer…." His voice tallied off and sneaking a look at his face with lowered lashes she saw the smirk had returned.

"Don't you think you've had enough fun for one night, Sir?" She asked tiredly.

"Not quite as yet," He silkily replied.

The major's blood ran cold and she silently wished for death, or Thor, she didn't care which to took her.

A shadow crossed the door drawing his attention; she tried to peer out of her peripheral vision but failed as he took two steps towards the door, effectively obscuring her view. He spoke to the unknown airman in the corridor, and she hoped it were someone who had come to her rescue or a threat to earth, just about anything to remove her from this!

"No such luck!" She said bitterly into the darkness.

"In accordance with the regulations, I am able to punish junior officers under my command in any way the airforce deems appropriate, should I wish to exercise an alternative to bringing them up on charges. Carter, Am I correct?"

"Yes," She nodded dejectedly, her mind already so focussed on 'punish' and what that entailed that she only belatedly remembered to respectfully tag on, "Sir."

"Not withstanding my current desire to turn you over my knee and paddle you, following your last stunt, major," He rubbed his jaw carefully. Sam gasped, her shocked eyes flying to his face as she flushed crimson down to her toes again.

"But upon reflection, I think," he smirked evilly, leaning close to her burning face, "It wouldn't be much of a punishment!" He spoke in a low tone so only she could hear.

She swallowed convulsively and tried to conceal the desperate shiver that threatened to overtake her.

"So you will remain confined to these quarters, in your bed, for the next 36 hours."

She inhaled deeply but bit off a sharp retort as he growled.

"ALL other options will remain open until I see an improvement in your behaviour."

She had shot under the covers at that and watched in fascinated horror as he had removed the light bulb, (to aid her sleeping –he had said) and bid her goodnight, leaving only a sliver of light leaching under the door, partially obscured by two large military boots.

Damn, damn, and double damn.

'I never should have hit him' she thought pensively; still it gave her a lot of time to plan her revenge.

And she now knew she could wait out the remainder of the hours, after all she had been allowed to visit the bathroom, once, and been given a sandwich with a glass of milk even if it had been chicken which she wasn't fond of…

Revenge is a dish best served cold, she thought evilly.


	3. A matter of Time

**Disclaimer: ** Wish they were but sadly they ain't!

Spoilers: If only ….. Entirely AU! From the sordid mind of Sekhmet!

**A/N : **Thanks for your patience. I know it's been a while but have been on a roll with the other one and got sidetracked.

**A matter of time!**

Three days later, Major Carter arrived early to work in her lab, her downtime over. Fortunately, enough time had passed that some other poor shmuck was the focus of the base grapevine's gossip and everything in her scientific domain was exactly as she had left it.

In the end she had slept almost ninety per cent of the thirty-six hours of her 'timeout', and the colonel had, wisely in her opinion, kept away.

He had in fact visited a total of three times and had found her dead to the world each time. He had even sat in her room for an hour or so, after replacing the light bulb and sending away the SF guarding the door, waiting for her to awaken just so he could talk to her. Sam had stubbornly remained asleep, her body recognising what her mind had ignored; she was dog-tired.

So, it was unaware of these olive branches proffered that she had awakened to find a note in her room, under the soft light of the newly restored bedside lamp instructing her to report to the colonel's office at her earliest convenience.

It was when she reported to him promptly, as ordered but in her class A uniform, the very model of a contrite and abashed air force officer that he realised he was in trouble. When she _apologised_ for her earlier insubordination and then proceeded to thank him _profusely_ for not busting her back down to captain that he knew he was going to die. Horribly.

So he waited, for three days, which was the remainder of General Hammond's leave during which time he was the acting commander, for the other to shoe to drop. With a hunted expression in his eyes carefully checked every chair he sat down on, every door he passed through that was slightly ajar; checking and double-checking everything he signed just in case it was a requisition for rubber chickens.

He had received no sympathy from Daniel who had pronounced himself disgusted with Jack's treatment of his 2IC, and refused to entertain the idea that it had been quite funny. Daniel had immediately demanded to be allowed to visit 'the prisoner' and had stomped back to his office in high dudgeon after his request was summarily denied.

Teal'c had simply informed him that 'on Chulak any warrior treated with such disrespect would have the right to challenge the protagonist to a fight to the death' and that he was lucky Major Carter was of the Tau'ri. With that mammoth statement said and wearing an expression akin to having consumed a 100-year-old egg recently, he had retired to perform Kelnoreem.

He had expected her to return to work before her downtime was officially finished but she hadn't, and now she was behaving as though nothing had happened. It was like a timeloop where nothing looped except Carter. It made him uneasy; it wasn't in the natural order of things. He shared his thoughts over coffee; having sought out the one person he thought would truly appreciate his concerns.

"Maybe she just has a sweet and forgiving nature, Ferretti."

His former teammate shook his head in amazement at his former commander's obvious state of denial.

"Jack she's a woman." He stated, as if this fact alone explained all the mysteries of the universe. (Maybe we are the fifth race, after all I thought)

"True." He continued to shake his head but this time wearing the expression one gives the condemned man who has finished his last meal and know s what comes next.

"She is going to kick your ass, it is simply a matter of time!"

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Back in her lab, Major Carter chuckled as she worked on a project which had lain dormant in her basement; moved from house to house since her academy days.

She carefully mixed together specific quantities of specific materials to make her special compound. Finally she set the beaker to boil and condense into a smaller container for the first of three runs that would steadily refine it into a stronger solution.

Sam removed her protective goggles and in a carefully designed box she began to set up her experiment. She produced several items from a bag and proceeded to unscrew the hinge joint on an old-fashioned embroidery frame. Next she stretched an innocuous piece of olive green fabric across it and tightened it up until it was secure. With a teat pipette she dripped a single line of the mystery compound and placed the frame in a crocodile clip with extended on a steel rod from the base of the box.

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Two days later, seated at his usual place in the commissary, Colonel O'Neill scanned the room, his eyes returning to the doorway everytime someone new entered. He was distracted, unable to concentrate.. Even less than usual. A nerve thrummed in his temple and he groaned quietly, as it heralded the beginning of another tension headache.

"Jack, you ok?" Daniel's enquiry startled him from his state of distracted muttering.

"Peachy," he lied, silently cursing the stray thoughts that had allowed the young archaeologist to sneak up on him.

"Erm, mind if we join you?" Daniel hovered momentarily then without waiting for a reply he sat down opposite his friend,

"Yeah, er we?" Jack probed nervously attempting to subtly glance over the archaeologists shoulder.

Daniel grinned wolfishly, "Oh, Sam's coming to meet us in a minute, just seeing to some experiment." Jack grimaced internally and wondered how he could escape before she arrived.

"Sam!" Daniel called, waving to the blonde Major. 'Too late' the colonel thought as she walked over; placing her tray on the table she gave him her brightest smile and slid into the seat opposite him. Astonishingly she had a huge piece of rich chocolate fudge cake instead of her usual blue jello.

She teased a tiny bit of the thin end of the wedge on her plate and lifted it deliberately to her mouth. Slowly, she parted her lips and gently pushed the fork in past her perfect white teeth. Sam closed her mouth around the implement and slowly withdrew it, her eyes fluttering closed in ecstasy as the rich cake tantalised her taste buds. With a breathy sigh she allowed her lips to part slightly and poked out her moist pink tongue to glide sensuously over her lips gathering up a couple of stray crumbs. Then with a feral smile began the process again.

By the third repetition of the hypnotic process, Jack thought he was either going to die or burst into flames on the spot. He didn't want to look realising how inappropriate it was to be gazing at your 2IC whilst she is ravishing a piece of cake but then again. He found himself unable to take his eyes off her; his blood pressure was skyrocketting along with other more obvious things. She was killing him, and he suspected she knew it but as it was a well-known fact that she loved chocolate; he couldn't be sure.

"Yeeeowwch!" The colonel's grip on the handle of his coffee mug finally failed as his mind was focussed elsewhere and he sloshed some of the boiling liquid down his pants. He leapt to his feet, responding to the natural reflex to his accident, before realising he had inadvertently exposed his lower body to the entire room, his cry loud enough to command their attention. The wet spreading stain across his crotch looking suspiciously like another type of accident entirely. Brave personnel immediately began to call out sassy remarks about making it to the men's room and pull up pants.

"Careful, Sir," Major Carter softly admonished him, "You could do yourself an injury."

He glowered at them all and beat a hurried retreat to the locker room and some dry clothing.

Daniel looked out of the side of his eye at the woman sitting next to him and wondered if she was an alien replica. He opened his mouth and closed it several times almost on the verge of making a sound. Eventually she rose and gathering up her belongings smiled brightly as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred and said, "See you in the gateroom Daniel at precisely fourteen hundred hours don't be late."

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Major Carter, jogged into the gateroom in full gear, ready to go out on SG-1's mission to PX-354 649; an uninhabited planet they intend to reconnoitre and take samples from. Seeing the Colonel's scowl as she entered she frowned and looked tentatively at her wristwatch.

"Sir?" She enquired carefully, "Everything ok?"

"Yes Major, everything is fine now." He replied in a biting tone pausing to deliver a scathing look in Daniel's direction. The younger man was smirking obviously and seemed to be on the verge of losing his composure completely. Sam looked at him sideways in silent enquiry.

"Jack had to cha…." Daniel began only to dissolve into hysterics, tears rolling down his face. Sam looked back to the Colonel with a small mystified smile, which died immediately when confronted by the look of fury on his face. She paled and looked contritely at the floor.

"Sorry Sir." She said in a tiny voice as the Colonel turned to Daniel in disgust.

"See, Major Carter knows it isn't polite to laugh at another's misfortune." He ground out glaring over his shoulder at her.

"O'Neill it was not Major Carter's fault that your uniform disintegrated in the armoury." Teal'c reprimanded, seeing the younger woman's growing humiliation.

"Teal'c!" The Colonel hissed colouring himself now.

Daniel Jackson began to howl with laughter and hold his sides.

"Oh you _had_ to be there Sam, SG-3 were just handing in their weapons and Jack went to adjust his bootlace and his pants split right up both side seams, on both pant legs. He looked just like a Chippendale." The young archaeologist dissolved into guffaws and then wiping his sleeve across his eye he continued.

"He had Simpson's shorts on, Sam. Bart Simpson!" A small smile broke on the Major's lips.

"Indeed," echoed the tall Jaffa, "The marines obviously share the Colonel's opinion of their humour."

"Is the gate gonna be dialled today?" The Colonel yelled up at the control room window.

"Er Colonel?" The General's voice floated down over the public address.

"Eat my shorts, Son!"

A/N: Brace yourself people there will be more! Now review or I may forget where I left my laptop! MWHAHAHAHAH!


	4. All in good time!

Disclaimer : not mine we can all wish though.

A/n : sorry for the delay but I broke a bone in my hand and pulled the ligaments in my thumb in a freak accident. (I fell over…not drunk before anyone asks.)

To those who know who they are..If ya aren't enjoying it don't read. There are plenty others out there who no doubt appreciate critiscm. I, however like what I do and how I do it so Thankyou but no Thankyou ….

All in good time!

The mission despite its rocky start had progressed well, the weather on the planet they had travelled to being warm and dry. The air had been filled with the balmy smells of summer and the indigenous population had greeted them with warmth and hospitality.

Daniel had done his usual introductions and they had been cordially invited to the village elder's house for a feast. It had been edible too consisting of fried chicken, potatoes and almost identifiable vegetables.

They had stayed over one night, established the goa'uld had not been seen in several generations of folklore and oral history and had agreed to begin trade negotiations. The colonel had even been invited to spend an afternoon fishing in a well-stocked lake filled with trout like fish.

"Oh nothing beats this job," The colonel had stated leaning back against a rock and staring at the unfamiliar night sky.

"When it goes well." Carter reminded him quietly.

"Ok, when it goes well and the other shoe stays in its closet." He conceded with a wry smile.

"Would you not wish your other shoe to come out from the closet, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked his deep voice suddenly breaking the evening stillness.

"Erm." The colonel mused comically whilst their other two teammates fell about laughing.

"Oh T, you're priceless," Daniel gasped trying to regain control of himself.

"My personal value has little bearing on our conversation or the location of O'Neill's footwear, DanielJackson." The tall Jaffa stated evenly causing the young archaeologist to collapse in fits of laughter again.

The colonel grinned at his normally stoic team member and noticed a distinct twinkle in his eye; he wasn't as naïve as he chose to make out, of that the colonel was sure.

"Ok kids," he yawned, "Time for 'beddy-byes' I think. Carter as you're so full of energy you take the first watch, then me, Daniel you be the third and Teal'c the final watch. Alright campers lets go."

The colonel rose from his seat and clapped, and gestured towards the neat campsite they had constructed outside the village and within 10 minutes walk of the stargate.

Major Carter had settled in for her stint on watch, she casually observed her companions going through the motions of their nightly rituals. She found her mind wandering back to the Bart boxer short incident and hasty attempted to smother a giggle.

"I can hear you Major." The colonel's voice floated out of the open tent on the cool night breeze.

"Sorry, Sir," she muttered and withdrew a few yards further away. She began her usual pattern of patrolling the perimeter with her eyes, back and forth several times before thinking about her latest project for a moment.

But tonight her gaze was continually drawn towards her superior officers tent. She found herself wondering whether he was sleeping or if he was listening to her movements outside the camp.

A few minutes later she discovered just how awake he was when he silently emerged from the tent and began to creep towards her. She had caught a glimpse of him in her peripheral vision but other than that he had made no sound, his stealth techniques obviously honed from years of special ops; she mused in the silence.

She waited until he was inches from her position and then smoothly enquired, "Would you like a cup of cocoa to help you sleep, Sir?"

He yelped and then replied, "Sheesh Carter, you made me jump. So much for my sneakin technique eh?" Sam could sense him smirking in the darkness so she refrained from dignifying his remark with an answer so she waited. The silence stretched between them and seemed to fill the cool night. Sam felt as though the darkness would choke her if she didn't finish it off first, so she went for the jugular.

"Can I help you with anything specifically colonel?"

"Nothing specifically, Major", he purred suddenly mere centimetres from her ear; his voice low and sensual caressed her senses like a smooth silk negligee.

"I just wanted to remind you that I was still prepared to make good on my threat if I was to discover that you had anything to do with the collection of dismal bad luck I've been having lately, Major."

"I don't what you mean, Sir." She replied injecting all the innocence she could muster into her innocuous sounding rebuttal.

"I should hope that you don't, Samantha," he reiterated in a silky but now obviously dangerous tone. He turned and walked slowly back to his tent and she slowly exhaled a breath she had forgotten she was holding. Her skin broke out in gooseflesh but not in fear because she knew he would never hurt her; in anticipation.

'He knows' she thought and he's daring me to go further. 'He wants to catch me, out to get him and he knows I can't ever resist a challenge.'

'Well I just won't play ball' she vowed silently before returning to her perusal of the darkening countryside.

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"It's just not enough Janet!" Major Carter wailed to her friend flinging herself back down in her chair for the fifth time in five minutes before immediately leaping up and resumed her pacing of the small living room.

"You've caused him misery on a whole new level of paranoia for several weeks, Sam, and made all of his uniform disintegrate on three separate occasions." The petite doctor laughed.

"I know that, Jan and that's just the things that worked," she grinned conspiratorially before her face once again crumpled into an expression of deep dissatisfaction.

"It just isn't enough. There needs to public humiliation! Lasting effects!"

"So up the ante," her friend suggested waggling her eyebrows like a mini Dick Dastardly.

"Heh heh heh!" sniggered the blonde officer in response.

"Samantha Carter that was an evil laugh." Janet scolded in mock disapproval.

"Janet, I need your help." Sam stated smiling conspiratorially as she advanced back towards the couch and sat beside her friend throwing one arm around her.

"Oh no, you know I can't give you any drugs or plaster any limbs," the diminutive physician insisted as she tried to extract herself from the Major's embrace.

"Relax Jan, I don't need any drugs," she slurred, the effects of the alcohol beginning to really bite.

"I just need to you to lend me your pen." She murmured evilly before chuckling to herself once again.

"I should get a medal for my ingenuity."

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The wooden door opened as she climbed up the porch steps.

"Carter, glad you could make it. C'mon in. Everyone's out back." The colonel smiled a wide smile of genuine pleasure at her arrival and for a moment she was almost persuaded to back out of the plan.

Then she recalled the deliberate challenge he had made that night in the dark and she knew she had to finish it once and for all. He would be sorry he had ever messed with a Carter..

She pasted a happy smile on her face and entered into the role of good time party girl out on a team night with the lads. Enter stage left.

"Sam," Janet shrieked already well into her third glass of wine, Sam thought.

"Hi!" She responded enthusiastically throwing her arms around the little doctor.

"The merchandise is in my coat," The doctor whispered theatrically.

"Subtle Jan, Subtle!" She retorted pulling herself away and laughing as though her friend had said something funny.

"Where's the beer? Some team night this if ya can't get a drink!"

The evening wore on in a raucous fashion, SG-1 having been joined by the SG-3 led by Major Griff, and SG-2 and the Colonel's old friend Ferretti. Later when the barbeque had died down and the evening drew chill, the remaining guests withdrew into the colonel's spacious living room and soon began to regale one another with tales of their team's past misdeeds.

"Do you remember that planet, Cp3o or whatever where that man tried to buy Daniel for 14 goats and his cousin?" Jack innocently asked the tall jaffa sitting on his sofa.

"What?" spluttered three marines simultaneously spraying their Major with beer.

"Indeed," replied Teal'c turning with what could only be described as a smirk, to the archaeologist who had covered his face with his hands and was groaning with embarrassment.

"I believe the final tender was 14 goats, the cousin, who had a considerable overbite, and three lamas." He continued with some gravity.

The other two teams gazed at him opened mouthed unaccustomed to his dry Jaffa sense of humour, until Dr Frasier rather the worse for wear collapsed laughing on to the arm of the chair Daniel was trying to merge with and everyone else joined in.

"Yes well," Daniel huffed with the faintest twinkle in his eye, "At least I know not to eat cake given to you by amorous young women, Jack!"

"He has you there, sir," Carter slurred gesturing with her bottle of beer towards the colonel.

"Well at least I can leave the house without my hankie." The colonel retorted in an extremely childish tone.

"Can not." (Throws a packet of Kleenex produced from pants pocket!)

"Can too." (Catches said packet and places it in shirt pocket.)

"Can not." (Produces another packet from other pocket)

"Can too." (Smiles, waggles eyebrows and gestures over to Sam who is gently going to sleep on the floor next to Daniel's leg)

"At least, we didn't have to wear a dress, Jack."

"Yeah there is that."

"Hey, are you ever gonna let that rest?" Sam asked in drunken dismay.

"Ermmm," Her teammates mused.

"Probably not."

They all had a hearty laugh at the Major's expense as the tale of the blue dress was told one more time for the benefit of Captain Harper of SG2 who hadn't yet heard it.

Slowly, in ones and twos the other team members withdrew and returned to their homes until at a late hour only the members of SG-1 and the diminutive doctor remained in the cosy living room.

"How much alcohol have you consumed this evening Doctor Frasier?" Teal'c enquired gravely after Janet finished a particularly ridiculous conversation with an almost incoherent Daniel.

"I dunno?" She giggled.

"Will you require assistance in order to reach the guest room?" The warrior inquired politely, looming over her an indulgent smile playing upon his features.

"Ooh dear," She laughed as he scooped her effortlessly of the floor and into his arms as though she weighed no more than a feather.

"I will retire now and undertake a period of Kelnoreem, if you will excuse me," He nodded his head solemnly and strode purposefully out of the room studiously ignoring Janet's effusive comments about the size of his muscles.

"Ok, whatever, make yourself at home," the colonel called out drunkenly after them.

"I think you need a drink, Sir," Carter slurred handing him another bottle and flopping down in a vacant armchair.

"Think I do," He said before grinning and taking a huge swallow.

"Cheers," came a disembodied voice from beside the sofa.

"Daniel?" Sam enquired, "Whatcha doin?" There was a lenghty pause when the only sound was the clock ticking.

"Nothin," a sleepy voice eventually replied, "Think I might just stay here."

"Ok you want a blanket?" She called pulling an afghan off the back of her chair and throwing it in his direction along with a cushion and then waited for a response or any sign of movement from the legs sticking out down the sideof the seat. There was none.

A soft snore from her right commanded her attention and as she looked back at her other companion, she realised he had gently fallen asleep, the almost empty bottle still clutched in his hand.

"Lightweights," the major grinned placing her beer untouched on the coffee table.

A slow smile of triumph crept across her face and she looked carefully towards the colonel. His breathing had slowed to a steady even rate but she still approached him carefully, affecting a silly 'drunken' grin and slurring out her words.

"Ok sir, I need to get you into bed. Oh dear! Hee hee hee," She giggled self-consciously and blushed hoping DAniel was indeed asleep.

'Alright,' she thought 'if he hasn't responded to that he's comatose.'

She swung one of his arms over her shoulders and heaved him up off the floor.

"Hmmmm." The colonel mumbled incoherently but consented to be assisted up the stairs and through the door that Sam opened with a soft kick into his own bedroom. She collapsed beside him sprawled onto the mattress.

"Okay you just stay there," she panted breathing heavily with the exertion. She recovered quickly and after a moment of careful listening to see if anyone had stirred she crossed to the entrance and silently closed the door.

A/N : Nearly there …. You'll just have to suffer a little while longer.


	5. Out of Time!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing and no one and I earn no dosh! Boo Hoo!

**Spoilers : **nada ….zip……you get it the picture eh ?

A/N : Firstly thanks as ever to the beta slave ! You rock stargatefan ! Secondly So sorry it took so long between injured limbs and the class from hell this year life took a turn for stressville! Will carry on with the worst case soon watch out but this is it the end of Timeout enjoy and review or I'll sulk and refuse to write more and I've got such plans …….

**Out of Time !**

She slid soundlessly out through the bedroom doorway, pausing only to cast a glance over her shoulder at his recumbent form gently but resonantly snoring, one arm casually flung over his head.

Creeping gently down the hallway, she stifled a violent yawn, peered at her wristwatch now displaying 'oh three hundred hours' and smiled a feral smile.

'Revenge is a dish best served,' Sam halted in the shadows at the bottom of the stairs, as her highly tuned hearing registered a faint noise. She surveyed the living room for the source and waited to see if it would occur again.

Having assured herself that her hyperactive mind was playing tricks on her she was about to traverse the darkened floor when a dark shadow unbent itself in her peripheral vision and loomed ominously, silhouetted in stark relief against the pale moonlight entering the window in silvery beams.

Sam jolted in fright, her heart in her throat and braced herself to tackle the unknown intruder.

"I have no wish to startle you, Samantha Carter."

The deep rumble of her teammates voice was recognisable even before he stepped forward into the shaft of light nearer the tall French windows. The major exhaled the breath she had been holding, and a betraying flush stole over her features as she anxiously contemplated how she was going to escape the colonel's house now she had been caught in the middle of trying to leave.

"Teal'c! You scared me," she said automatically.

"Indeed," he said and even though she couldn't make out his features she imagined he was raising an eyebrow.

"Erm, I was just going to take off home…" She began, tailing off lamely as the silence emanating from the tall jaffa seemed to grow and fill the room.

"You intend take your vehicle," it was less a question than a statement. Sam, realising she had appeared to be inebriated, less than an hour before, was at a loss to explain her seemingly irresponsible behaviour to her friend without losing his approbation and respect.

"Er…."

"I noted you only actually consumed two bottles of beer this evening, so the effects will have almost entirely dissipated by this hour."

Teal'c's voice was almost expressionless on a good day but having spent many years in his company Sam could detect the mere hint of humour in his matter of fact tone.

She sat down with a groan on the edge of the armchair closest to her and buried her face in her hands.

"Will you tell them?" she asked through the safety of her fingers.

"I see no need to disclose the quantity of beverages you have consumed, Major Carter." She could almost swear he was laughing at her but she didn't want to make the wrong call.

"Thanks Teal'c," she said hesitantly rising to her feet and was about to bid him goodnight when he casually enquired.

"Has the colonel managed to retire for the night?"

"Erm," she hesitated momentarily before continuing brightly, "Yes he did, out like a light; snoring in fact,"

"I see." Her teammate replied and an awkward silence stretched between them until Sam turned and gestured towards the door.

"Well, I best be off now, Teal'c," she turned, reached for the door and then realised that the tall jaffa had silently crossed the room to stand behind her.

"Samantha Carter," he began earnestly as she turned to face him, "I, as a proud member of the Jaffa race, understand more than another would that the pursuit of appropriate revenge is one that is not to be taken lightly. I would not intercede on behalf of O'Neill to dissuade you, only I ask your assurance that you have not in any way brought harm to his person."

A slow smile spread across her beautiful face illuminating her features even in the half-light.

"I give you my word, Teal'c, I have not hurt him in any way," she stated.

"Then it will be as if we did not meet this night." He turned and walked silently back up the hallway and entered the guest room without so much as looking back and before he returned to his Kelnoreem he heard a car start up and move off down the street.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The downtime they had planned for the next two days deteriorated as SG-9 were captured on an alien planet by a tribe of primitive natives and SG-1 and SG-3 were called in to prepare a rescue party.

"Colonel," General Hammond began with authority your team accompanied by the marines will go to the target village subdue any resistance and get our people the hell out!"

"Yes sir!" The colonel saluted precisely and left the General's office at a jog to gather his team and brief Major Griff.

The mission was achieved with little resistance bearing in mind all the enemy were armed with was spears. The missing team were rescued none the worse for wear having been fed suspiciously well, and although Daniel kept mumbling about the cultural significance of the oversized crock pots in the village centre, it was always going to be seen as a success.

The colonel buoyed by the safe return of his airmen smiled broadly as they stepped one by one through the gate before him until all that were left were his own team.

"Let's go home kids! Kansas awaits us!"

He gestured towards the shimmering circle of light and smirked at Carter who was scanning the horizon behind them for signs of pursuit.

"Ok, Carter. Lets go move out."

"Yes, sir. I'm on my way." She replied glancing at him uneasily.

"Everything ok," the colonel asked carefully, picking up on her disquiet.

"Yes fine Sir," she replied a little too quickly and disappeared into the event horizon.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The gateroom was clear of returning personnel when he exited the wormhole. He caught sight of the rear of his 2IC retreating round the corner as he strode down the ramp towards the waiting commander.

"Colonel," he saluted.

"General," he smirked, "All present and correct."

"A successful mission, Son, we'll debrief in 1 hour. Dismissed."

The colonel headed out towards the infirmary and his post mission check, hurrying to catch up with the other members of his team. Dr Frasier was there to meet him at the door.

"This is your lucky day, Colonel O'Neill. As the last man in you receive the pleasure of my company."

He groaned heavily, rolled his eyes in mock protest and muttered something about power mongers under his breath as he slouched down to the free cubicle she pointed out.

"I heard that mister, it's the alpha needle for you today," she barked at his retreating form.

"Awww Jan," he whined dragging his feet, "Just cos you're hung over, ya don't need to take it out on me! Now do ya?"

"Ok, you're looking a bit peaky, Colonel. So I think a couple of vitamin boosters will perk you right up." She swept the curtain closed with a flourish carrying a dish with a number of vials and hypodermic needles.

Jack rolled his eyes and groaned again.

"Yes Ma'am"

"Hey Jack, did you get the doc?" The jovial voice of Major Griff floated across the infirmary.

"Yep!" he answered carefully whilst the lady in question performed the post mission exam.

"We know how you love seeing the Doc an all so I made sure to tell her how sick ya been looking," the marine called as he left the ward, "See ya in the briefing I'll bring ya a cushion."

That comment provoked a general round of laughter.

"Oh Ha ha. Very amusing." The colonel groaned looking pitifully at the diminutive doctor.

"Oh the doe eyes don't work on me sir," she grinned evilly. "Turn over and loosen your belt."

Bent over the bed leaning on his elbows Jack wondered if Janet enjoyed the sight of muscular men's butts, but he didn't dare ask since she was wielding a sharp pointy weapon in the vicinity of his exposed rear end. He was slightly worried when he thought she stifled a giggle.

"Doc?" He enquired.

"Hold still now sir," she said whilst using the weapon to produce a strangled yelp from the battle hardened soldier.

"Ok, you're done!" She stated and disappeared out of the cubicle, the sound of smothered laugher retreating with the sound of her footsteps.

"Hmmm" The colonel mused.

The briefing was short. The colonel reported in his succinct style, anxious to hit the showers then leave. General Hammond used to this rapid-fire delivery asked questions and teased much further detail out of his second in command.

"You said they had big casserole dishes. What were they doing with them?" He enquired.

"If I may, Colonel," Daniel interjected producing a moan from him and a sharp look from the general.

"I believe the indigenous population were involved in a cult of anthropophagy and therefore their intentions were not necessarily hostile."

"I think that trying to eat someone could only been seen as a hostile act, Daniel," Sam smirked.

"Eh?" O'Neill looked between the two members of his team in a bewildered fashion until his gaze rested upon Carter and he waited for an explanation.

"They were cannibals, Sir." The major reported.

"Ewwwhh!" Jack wrinkled his nose in disgust and Teal'c pulled a appropriately perturbed expression.

"Sounds like a lucky escape. I will have it locked out of the dialling computer." The general said rising to his feet to signify the end of the briefing.

"Dismissed."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Steam rose in a thick curtain in the locker room. The marines had already made their way in to the showers and were laughing and joking in the water when the colonel arrived. He sat down heavily on the bench; tiredness suddenly creeping up on him now the adrenaline rush had finally dissipated. He undressed in silence and made his way into the shower and settling under the warm spray with a sigh.

Opening his eyes he looked at the other men laughing and jostling on the other side of the room and wondered how long he could go on in the field. 'Old age is creeping up on me,' he thought and squeezing some shampoo onto his hand he rubbed it into his short, greying hair and turned away. With his head under the water he barely heard the shriek of delight that Daniel emitted until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Eh?" He enquired squinting at his friend as soap filled his eyes. He returned under the water to rinse and then smiled a little bemusedly as several marines collapsed to the floor laughing holding their sides.

"What?" He asked wondering what the joke was. He even began to laugh a little unsure what was funny but realising that it was probably him.

"Don't you know?" Daniel asked in obvious shock.

"Know what?"

"You _don't_."

"Know what?"

"I'M not going to tell him." Daniel giggled and backed away.

"Tell me what?" growled the colonel his expression darkening in annoyance.

"Oh, Jack you've been had!" Griff choked out and disappeared around the corner into the locker room where the sounds of continuing hilarity were building.

"What?" yelled Jack losing what little patience he ever had owned.

"You have been marked O'Neill."

The colonel frowned and then watched as his teammate peered over his shoulder and seemed to be attempting to look at his behind.

"Hey! Stop that." He snarled and then caught a glimpse of blue on his rear.

He twisted round like a dog trying to chase his own tail, unsuccessfully trying to see what was written because the blue was most definitely writing; that much he could make out. It resulted in a ridiculous display of almost dance like movements that only increased the colonel's anger and succeeded in drawing a smile from the stoic warrior.

"I could read the script for you if would remain motionless." Teal's offered.

Jack's only reply was to spin around and place his hands on the wall like a Miami vice suspect about to be arrested.

" Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," the tall jaffa read solemnly.

The colonel twirled slowly and snatching a towel around him marched through the gauntlet of catcalls in the locker room and strode to the door. He snatched it open ans bellowed down the hall.

"CARTER…..!"

In the eerie silence that followed his appearance half naked and dripping in the hallway, the only sound that was heard was the musical lilt of a woman's laughter truncated only by the closing of the elevator doors.

The end

A/N : It made me laugh ! So if ya liked it tell me! Please don't let me beg it's pitiful!


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